(or: Foot stamping III)

For anyone who visits and reads this blog from time to time, and is familiar with my various disaffections with an apparent ‘black-listing’ by the Leicester Mercury, take a look, if you will, at this recent example of what it considers sufficient topical relevance for communication to the citizens of Leicester – the awarding of business funding to a dreaming tarot reader.

Its author’s apparent appeal for support for an organisation called Leicester Business Women seems laudable enough. Got no argument with empowering women to get fledgling business ideas off the ground, particularly in these economically dire times in what is (whether we’re reluctant to admit it or not) a (fucked-up-by) ’man’s world.’ Fair play.

Except what the author is obviously doing is exploiting an opportunity to also market her wares. I know, I know, it is better for the blood pressure to just ignore; each to their own, and all those relativist platitudes. And, flabbergasted as I was/am, I have not used the Leicester Mercury‘s online portal to ’examine.’ There, I merely appended the not unreasonable comment as to _LBW_’s apparent profligate lavishing of scarce resources on the funding of such a ridiculous enterprise.

However, I couldn’t resist hunting out the business’s own website. So, give yourself a treat and take a look at Pure & Blessed Tarot. As its owner makes more information publicly available there, I will here claim the right to publicly offer up comment and opinion on the assorted claims and services therein.

I was (and still am) largely ignorant of what its practitioners claim Tarot can do for anybody, but it seems to me, from what I read there, that it is not unconnected with that whole ‘positive’ thing that crops up ubiquitously, couched in that woolly kind of language that all reads very nice, but actually says nothing. The Home page quickly employs an interesting disclaiming tactic:

‘I help open minded people’ [sic]

This is potential genius. If, after you’ve shelled out your coffers, you find yourself curiously unaffected, well, I’m afraid that will be because you were not simple-minded enough simply were not open-minded enough. I’m not sure whether being open-minded is here considered an either/or logic state; or the attainment of some point on a gradient ranging from lead-dense bigotry to vacuum-skulled self-oblivion. Whatever, it appears that prior credulousness is a necessary pre-requisite. (Yes, I’m aware of the tautology in that last sentence; it is deliberate.)

So, what else is on offer there?

Well, being a member of the Federation of Holistic Therapies, the possibilities are seemingly endless. As a diversion, take yourself to the FHT search facility, which is, I have to say, fascinating in its scope. Here, you will find a quite bewildering list of ‘therapies’, including, along with the usual suspects (eg, Crystal Therapy, Homeopathy, Reflexology), stuff that would seem to be not ‘therapy’, but cosmetic, or fitness; along with some bizarre stuff I’d never heard of (eg, Iridology, Moxibustion, Zero Balancing). Despair not: clicking on a selection may provide a small adjacent boxed description. It is well worth a browse. And I confess that some of these read quite pleasurable. But let’s not get side-tracked. Instead, back to our subject, who is proud to declare among her skills a sub-set of that listing, including: Reflexology, Reiki, and… in case you needed confirmation of how stupid human beings being stupid can be… Thermal-Auricular Therapy (Ear candle) – yes, lighting candles in your ears.

Of these, the one allocated a tabbed page of its own – and thus, we might presume, a skill the site’s author is particularly proud of – is Reiki. I think all I need do here is quote the words provided:

‘The Reiki system of healing uses universal life-force energy. This is an energy, which is safe, gentle, natural and intelligent. The energy is channelled through the practitioner and knows where to go and what to do, to help restore harmony and balance to the body. Reiki is easy to learn and generally split into three levels. Reiki is used by people of all faiths and belief systems, as a system of relaxation and healing. You can receive and practice Reiki, no matter what your religion.’

Unless you, reader, are completely devoid of sceptical bones, I really do not think I need go to work on that paragraph of pseudoscholastic piffle.

But it gets worse better: scroll down, and you are offered ‘House Blessings’:

‘Bringing harmonious energies to your home with rituals and blessing inspired and developed through the knowledge and understanding of Reiki and Crystal energies.’

This old ‘energy’ thing again. Combined with the religious-lite/spiritual thing for cuddlesome universality. Of course if you are tempted but require convincing, there are always those positive Testimonials. Don’t expect any negative ones – after all, it is not a place for negativity.

Why do I do this? Why am I criticising the online activity of someone I don’t know and have never met? Is it really worth the expenditure of my time and energy? Is it a channelling of ‘positive energy’ to take umbrage with umbrage?

’ Tarot woman, I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know
Hey, I don’t know ’