BS:  “Thank you for your statement to the House this week, Bill.”

WH:  “My pleasure, Dave. It was a little uncomfortable, I have to say. Obarmy isn’t helping much.”

BS:  “Quite. As you know, there’s not a lot we can do about that. It’s important we preserve our ‘special relationship’ in the eyes of the world.”

WH:  “Yes. And remind the country that we’re doing everything in our legal power to combat extremism and terrorism.”

BS:  “Yes. I think you phrased it very well. Though I wonder that the interview reference to protecting people from being blown up was a tad over-graphic.”

WH:  “Yes, sorry about that. But it is a bit difficult when the only argument we can fall back on is the ‘nothing to hide, nothing to fear’ line. I feel we’re straw-clutching there somewhat.”

BS:  “Yes, well, perhaps a little bit of fear is good for cohesion. And it provides distraction from the economy, which is no bad thing.” – Looks at watch – “Where the bloody hell is George?”

WH:  “That and the Royal Family. We’ve been lucky to have the jubilees and anniversaries…”

BS:  “Yes, there is that. Actually fulfilling its role quite nicely, when we look at it like that. Except for bloody HRH badmouthing us. Why can he not learn to keep his mouth shut?”

WH:  “Is he still complaining about the succession changes?”

BS:  “And then some. Apparently he’s ‘fed up with politicians’ and ‘in a foul mood.’ I don’t get it. He has a male heir, so it’s not going to affect him. He’s as big a pain in the neck as Boris. He’ll be promoting his causes in The Beano next!”

WH:  – Laughing – “Well, word has it that he is now also pissed off with the Advertising Standards Authority.”

BS:  “Oh? Why’s that?”

WH:  “His pet hospital is having its collar felt. It’s been making overreaching claims for its acupuncture, and is going to have to tone them down.”

BS:  “Hmm, no, he won’t like that. You would have thought we’d have pacified him enough on that kind of thing. He has that nut Tredinnick on the Science and Technology Committee now. We’ve appointed Jeremy to Health. Plus he has Sayeeda fawning him up as ‘Defender of Faith’. I mean, what more can we do? There’s just no pleasing the man.”

WH:  “Precisely. But he’s thick with the guy who runs that hospital. And so is his mother. So I don’t think that’s something we can comment on publicly. Just stick to the ‘maintaining patient choice’ line.”

BS:  “Yes, I think you’re right. Thanks, Bill. The illusion of choice comes in handy. We need to stay mindful of that. Particularly as our hands are tied on the tax thing.”

WH:  “Yes. And occasionally keeping people mindful of the possibility of being blown up does also serve a purpose. Including keeping the backbenchers on our side when Nick is being awkward.”

BS:  “Yes, I think you have a point there. We’ve got Labour snookered on surveillance, so Nick needs reminding that if he wants to be Liberal on that, he’s going to have to go it alone.”

WH:  “Quite.”