Sorry to learn that things are not going too well for you at present. It must be awfully demanding to be expected to conduct all these trips abroad and not be allowed some down time. I mean, why on earth shouldn’t you be allowed to take a mate along for purely social reasons?

But, it seems, you are now going to have to dissociate yourself from Mr Werritty. And I’m wondering how you will get along on your future foreign visits, in the gallant support of our armed forces, and promotion of our defence industries. After all, such demanding work and no play can make Jack a dull boy.

So, might I proffer a suggestion? I am currently not bound by any employer, so my time is my own. Moreover, my activities at present are receiving little attention, and I am looking to put myself to better use. As such, I would like to offer myself up as your travelling companion. I do love to travel, so if you could sort me out with a flight or three, that would be great (first-class, if you can wangle it; after all, I’ve paid my taxes). I’ve never been to Sri Lanka, or Libya; although I have been to Singapore, Bahrain and Dubai, and I can tell you there are good times to be had. You could tell those nosey civil servants that I am your ‘Scientific Advisor’, although I promise not to have any business cards printed. Moreover, unlike your Mr Werritty, I have worked for the Ministry of Defence, and have thus signed the Official Secrets Act, so anything accidentally and inappropriately overheard from conversations at nearby restaurant tables would not jeopardise national security.

As we have no past association, there would be no skeletons that might be embarrassing down the line. I can guarantee you my propriety, discretion and distance; I would be happy to do my own thing, and neither sit in on, nor arrange, any meetings (not least because, quite frankly, I find them boring). As long as we don’t talk too much politics, we should get along fine. And if you’re at a loss for something to do in Singapore… I know just the place.

Whaddaya say?

Yours etc…