In the gents’ toilets of a pub in the sleepy Peak District is a machine selling:
Xcite! Pheromone Wipe
Wipe-on SEX appeal
Neck and wrists
Contains human pheromones – scientifically proven to increase sexual attraction
Boosts your pulling power
Wow, what is this stuff? I had no idea that human pheromones had been identified and isolated and vehicled. I mean, ‘scientifically proven’; must be the business, eh? Found my brand! I’ve been trying the provided phone number to get more information, but keep getting an answer message. Must be due to massive popular demand.
I used to read a bit about symmetry/asymmetry: how the external left-right symmetry of the vertebrates masks a (usually) consistent asymmetrical pairing and/or displacement of the internal organs. And how, in tests wherein women smell the sweat on T-shirts worn by a range of perspiring men, it turns out that they prefer the scent of more symmetrical specimens; symmetry, you see, being indicative of genetic, hence reproductive fitness, and so has been selected for, and has come to be perceived as beautiful. Hence, flatfish, which undergo a remarkable left-right realignment never quite, er, get there and, consequently, can look quite grotesque. (But, hey, I’m not a flatfish.)
Now, as one who is wholly convinced of the power and importance of pheromones, despite the fact that we olfaction-ally-feeble humans are largely unaware of this, I sense a spin-off opportunity here. At work, I have one footprint in a new air-conditioned building, with the other remaining in a lab that, with the now hot weather, is cooking (which can be a driver for actions as described recently). So, I will eschew deodorant and rig up some kind of perspiration collection apparatus, bottle it with a slug from the ethanol bottle, and commence my earnest scientific experiment. Form an orderly queue, ladies.
I wonder which will be more attractive – the pheromonal reek; or the money I’ll accrue. Smells like bullshit to me!